As I make my journey back to New Zealand,
The further away I travel from the Caribbean,
Is the more I feel like I have to ‘hold back’ my Caribbean-ness.
Slowly fold it up and pack it away.
Tuck it in deeper and deeper, out of sight with each flight.
Because…
You’re entering a new space.
And the further you travel, is the further away from home you are.
The further away from different countries, places and people who may have encountered your culture, and know what it’s all about.
The further you travel is the closer you get toward a space that is as unfamiliar to you, as you are to it.
So, you can’t be your own.
You can’t be yourself.
You can’t be the flamboyant personality with the thick Caribbean accent who lands and ends up in the jam.
Because there is no lime.
There is no ‘Jam’.
You’re now a foreigner in a new place.
And, they don’t know you here.
They don’t know where you’re from.
They don’t know that what is normal to you is normal – instead, they think it’s abnormal.
So, you feel like you gotta keep it in check.
You gotta contain your culture.
‘Cause you’re no longer on your turf.
Ya cya ‘do as ya like’.
There are people watching.
A society watching (and not like da granny dat watches from da front porch to report your behavior to ya parents back when in the Caribbean).
No.
Instead, it’s a societal watch.
Watching you cause you’re ‘different’.
Watching you cause you’re behavin ‘out of the norm’.
Their norm.
And this, this is why I can’t live anywhere but the Caribbean.
I already have trouble being myself.
I don’t want to be in a position where I have to explain it too.
Written on 12.08.18
5 Comments
Ina Howe · June 5, 2019 at 12:35 pm
Beautiful reflection Alyssa!! Can appreciate the feeling of hiding who you are and packing it up. I think I thought living away would make me richer (in the spiritual or non-material sense), as I always wanted to embrase the notion of being a global citizen and living as though we are a global community, ONE people so to speak and not separate countries. But, hiding who I was for so long, has left me struggling to figure out who I am these days. One can stay too long and forget a bit of who we are. I think sometimes it can be the right thing for a person to relocate but if you just know that home is where you belong, don’t stay away too long. I think we all should get away and see a bit of the world to enrich our lives. I love knowing sweet and kind people who live in other countries and it does help make the world feel a little more like one global community. Keep up the writing. Always appreciate your thoughts.
Global Gyal · June 6, 2019 at 1:14 pm
Yes agreed! It’s important to travel but it does have its side effects. Knowing what you want does help! Thanks for commenting and keeping up with the blog 🙂
Sevenbites · June 10, 2019 at 12:42 pm
Its like you read my mind! You appear to know a lot about this, like you wrote the book in it
or something. I think that you could do with a few pics to drive the message home a little bit, but other than that,
this is great blog. A fantastic read. I’ll certainly be back.
Global Gyal · June 14, 2019 at 2:35 pm
Hey Sevenbites, thank you very much for the comments and feedback!
I’ll take note. Always working to improve. See you next time you’re back 😀
Global Gyal · June 14, 2019 at 2:37 pm
Hey Sevenbites, thanks so much for reading and giving some feedback. It’s always appreciated! I’m gad you enjoyed the read and look forward to when you come back again 😀