I returned (back) from my long haul trip across the pacific ocean.
I spent two weeks at home in the Caribbean, then came back to NZ to complete the remaining 6 months of my goal of living there for a year. Funnily enough though, at that point in my journey, I wasn’t yearning to go home. Which was actually a first.
While studying in Canada, I swear I had knots in my heart with this utter need to return home as soon as I could. It must’ve been the combination of the freezing cold weather and school work, but I didn’t want to last a minute longer there than I had to.
I hadn’t experienced this feeling in New Zealand though. I didn’t have that itch. But, I was lucky enough to get the opportunity to travel back home, and just couldn’t say no.
Who would?
Upon returning home however, I was extremely glad I did.
It’s funny how much can happen when you’ve been away for 7 months.
How many small (or sometimes major) changes to your home – whether it be infrastructure, behaviours, music, routes, patterns, family (the list goes on) – can occur.
In coming back, I was able to be refreshed and made up to date with those changes – the big and the small. It helped me keep a pulse on Antigua & Barbuda, the place I love so much.
While living overseas, if you don’t get (or take) such opportunities, it’s easy to fall behind.
So far behind that you won’t recognize the place that raised you.
[It’s one of my fears actually, with this galavanting trait of mine. That I’ll lose sight of home and no longer feel like I have one…]
My journey home also gave me a ‘shake up’ or a ‘back to YOUR reality’ type moment.
Being back in Antigua, I quickly realized I had adjusted to the New Zealand or rather the developed country type lifestyle.
Is easy to get used to ‘nice life’ eh.
The lifestyle where it’s simple (relatively) to get from point A to point B as there are systems in place that cater to your every need (bus, bikes, rent a car by the hr, scooters etc.). You can swipe (not even swipe, tap) your bank card at almost any establishment, big or small – removing the need for cash in your pocket. The fact that there’s no rubbish on the ground in the city or otherwise, so you can see what clean outdoors look like. And the list could go on (by a lil bit more).
Being home reminded me of the fact that roads can be bad. And they are. The fact that water is a necessity but is not guaranteed. The fact that the sun is blazing whether you like it or not (I’ll take it over a cold day anytime though). And this list too could go on..
I got used to the New Zealand way of life cause I never truuuly noticed these things before.
They never stuck out to me per se cause before, before they were just normal.
But, once back in Antigua...
I used the first few days to reflect and readjust. Den I had to shake myself an say “Yes! Dis is your reality man. Dis is da way people, including yourself, live on a daily here in Antigua, the Caribbean and all around da world. And it IS NOT A BAD THING!!”
When I was home I got back into the habit of driving like I have plenty sense instead of likkle (even if the roads were poor). I could go to a shop or bank or business and recognize (sometimes even know) the attendant there. And I could actually go to all three in under an hr. (dats if da bank lines feelin nice).
I could get in a car, and drive no more than 10 minutes, before I hit up a stunning beach. I could drink as I like. I could talk as I like. I could see the people that I mean the MOST to me, simply passing in traffic or at their loving homes.
I could strut into an event and know that 95% of the people in there have the most love for me and would look out for me in any situation. I could hug my mother and ‘chat’ to ma granny. I could hug my younger cousins with all my might. I could notice da height on the lil kid that got that much taller while I’d been gone, considering I’d known them from birth and have seen them grow.
I noted that my country is going places…
Developing in and of itself, I recognized things I saw happening in New Zealand, beginning to occur in Antigua. I noticed road development (in a kinda typa way). It included signage & equipment and personnel directing traffic. Definitely all new (regardless of if the road was ACTUALLY being fixed. Dat is a whole other story). I saw carnival coordinators in appropriate safety outfits. I saw…. I saw steps in the right direction.
It’s the little things that add up.
Of course, when you live in the country you think “Damn. This is exactly the same”. But, if you get a chance and stay away long enough, you’ll see the differences…notice the changes.
Now, not everybody has the opportunity to stay away for any length of time of course. It’s something I’ve noted I’m lucky to be able to do.
But, it’s humbling noticing the differences. It tells you that things keep moving, things keep happening, things keep changing, whether you’re there or not.
How do you ensure it doesn’t run away and leave you?
How do you ensure you maintain a balance, if part of you wants to be there but part of you wants to be elsewhere?
How?
These, these are my thoughts from New Zealand.
But I can tell, my heart will always be by the warm Caribbean Sea.
Written on August 13th 2018
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